Sarah ignored her phone and continued painting another Christmas card. It rang again. It was Eddie. He rang again. And again. She placed her loaded brush on her palette-board plate and reluctantly accepted the call.
‘What’s so urgent?’
‘I’ve found one. It’s perfect. I’ve sent you details.’
‘Can’t it wait? I’m working.’
‘I’ve arranged a viewing today at lunch time.’
‘I can’t get out that quickly.’
‘No. No. I’ll do the viewing you just look at the details. The agent said there’s a lot of interest. Have you looked yet?’
‘Give us a chance.’
‘I’ve got to go. Prowler’s out of his office. Speak later.’
The apartment looked amazing. A fully furnished two-bedroom flat for less than what they were paying now. And it’s location. It was where she dreamt of living – between the river and the canal. And fifth floor. It should have an amazing view and great light. She wondered which way the windows faced but couldn’t tell from the photographs.
The second bedroom looked a decent size. She’d have to remove the baby colours otherwise she’d never be able to work.
She found herself watching the clock waiting for Eddie to report back from the viewing. She turned her chair away to try and concentrate. It didn’t work. All it meant was that she had to stretch her neck to see the time.
She texted Eddie, and spent an hour watching her phone to see if he’d read the message.
it’s perfect/i’ve agreed to take it/can you fill in the application form online
She couldn’t believe he hadn’t called her first.
sorry didn’t call/couples lining up to view/had to say yes or lose it
She checked the details again. The price was right. The location was great. The landlord requirements seemed reasonable. But the application form was confusing.
Eddie usually came in like a deflated balloon and collapsed on the sofa. Today he bounced in with weekend-energy even though it was Wednesday.
‘Have you heard yet?’
Sarah shook her head.
‘I guess there hasn’t been time. They’ll probably need to check references and stuff. When did you send it?’
‘I haven’t.’
‘Why not? We might lose it?’
‘I’m not sure it’s right.’
‘Honestly it’s just what we were looking for. No. It’s better. You’ll love it.’
‘But we don’t have a child? It’s says apartment for couple with child… and we don’t have one?’
Eddie laughed.
‘And we don’t want one.’
‘There’s a baby room.’
‘It’s only a baby room if you put baby stuff in it.’
‘The form…’
‘Yeah. Let’s do it.’
‘They want the mother’s name, father’s name and the baby’s name.’
‘Don’t you hate heterosexual stereotyping?’
‘But what do we put?’
‘Your name and my name. Ignore their prejudices.’
‘And what about the baby?’
‘None.’
*
The move happened surprisingly quickly. Sarah stood in the baby room looking out as the morning sun revealed hints of autumn colours.
Morning light. It was perfect. Eddie wrapped his arms around her.
‘I told you.’
He kissed her cheek.
‘There’s a second-hand shop round the corner. Why don’t you see if you can get a table?’
‘Hmm.’
‘Or are you going to just gaze out the window all day?’
‘I might.’
‘Hey just because you work for yourself doesn’t mean you can shirk. What’ll your boss say?’
‘She’ll tell me to take it easy and soak up the colours.’
‘That reminds me. Do you want me to pick up some paint for the walls?’
‘Don’t you dare. I’m not letting you anywhere near a colour chart.’
‘I was thinking magnolia.’
Sarah turned and hit him.
‘Go on. Get out of here you heathen, before you ruin my inspiration.’
Eddie retreated and grabbed his coat.
‘See you later.’
Sarah found it hard to settle. She’d worked in the kitchen for years but somehow it felt wrong to sit at the breakfast bar. There was this whole other room. Her room. Her special place.
Christmas cards would have to wait. She needed to remove the baby colours and find a decent craft table.
*
The lift didn’t smell of urine. Even after a week she still noticed its absence.
‘Hello love. Are you the new resident on the fifth floor?’
‘That’s right. I’m Sarah.’
‘Out on your own? That must be nice.’
‘I’m off to the second-hand shop. I need some stuff for the baby room.’
‘I’ve got a cot somewhere. It’s a bit old but there’s nothing wrong with it.’
‘Oh I don’t mean that. I need a table.’
‘Can’t help you there. We always changed our Darren on the kitchen table. Not straight on it mind. We had one of those plastic things. You know to catch the wee and stuff.’
‘It’s not for changing. It’s for me. For my craft work.’
‘That’s what I like about this place. The rooms are such a good size. Mind you, once your nipper get’s a bit older you and your crafts will soon get kicked out.’
The lift doors opened and the woman was out before Sarah had a chance to explain.
*
‘Eddie, everyone thinks we have a baby.’
Eddie smirked.
‘It’s not funny.’
‘Oh come on. It is. This old granny accosted me in the hall. She insisted on telling me the quickest way to the play area. She asked me what the baby was called.’
‘I hope you put her straight.’
‘Yeah. I told her None.
Eddie laughed.
‘And do you know what…’
‘What?’
‘She said that was an unusual name.’
‘Oh Eddie. What are we going to do?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘It’s all right for you. You’re a man and you go out to work. I get these funny stares. I hear them thinking. Judging me for going out and leaving the baby in the flat. I wouldn’t be surprised if we get reported to social services.’
‘Well just tell ‘em we haven’t got a child.’
‘I try and… I don’t know… it’s like they don’t hear me. It’s like that woman who thought None was the baby’s name.’
‘Look why don’t we throw house warming party. Let them see that we don’t have a baby.’
‘I’m not ready for that.’
‘Let’s get the baby room painted and then invite everyone. Have you chosen the colours yet?’
‘I’m waiting for the trees. I want to match their autumn colours.’
*
She noticed how each tree approached winter differently. Some rushed into it – flushing brightly and quickly dropping their leaves, while others held tightly to their summer coats and resisted the yellows and oranges invading at their edges.
There was no single autumn colour. There were no plain walls in nature. She dabbed her brush in yellow, mixed some red, added shades of green and made her first mark.
*
‘What have you done?’
She turned to see Eddie. The whole day had gone.
She looked around the room. Autumn had arrived. Colours flowed from wall to wall.
‘Do you like it?’
‘I… I don’t know. It’s not what I was expecting.’
Sarah looked again.
‘No. Nor me. It just happened.’
‘Don’t you think it’s a bit childish? It’s like… like a mural.’
‘Hmm.’
He was right. She’d planned plain walls with a couple of accent colours. This was more like a jungle. No. More like a park, or a forest. And what was that noise? That rustling in the leaves. Animals? Birds?
Forests were full of life – badgers, foxes, rabbits. It was as if she could hear them and she knew exactly where they wanted to be. Her hand reached for her brush.
‘I guess we’re having take-away tonight,’ said Eddie.
*
It had happened again. That judgemental look. It was the nice woman from the corner flat. Sarah had practically screamed at her. Yelling that they didn’t have a baby. That they never wanted a baby.
The woman put her arm on Sarah’s shoulder.
‘I understand. It’s such a change. Suddenly your life is not your own. Even your body’s not your own.’
Sarah shook the arm off and stormed back into the apartment. Shopping would have to wait.
Eddie found her huddled on the sofa staring through the open door of the baby room. There were eyes in there and a noise. A hooting noise. He went to the doorway and looked in. He saw large owl eyes that seemed to blink as he looked at them. He shook his head and turned back to Sarah.
‘You alright? I’ll put the kettle on, shall I?’
Sarah took the tea and wrapped herself around its comforting warmth.
‘You drinking that or just looking at it.’
Sarah look surprised to see the cup held tightly against her chest. She took a sip and put the cup down.
‘You’ve spilt it.’
A wet patch spread across her chest.
‘You sure you’re alright?’
‘Hmm.’
‘Have you eaten? I’ll make a stir-fry.’
*
Sarah knew Eddie was right. She should get back to making Christmas cards. She should buy a craft table and set up her workroom.
But she needed to paint. It was like a compulsion. Each morning she’d set out her paints on the kitchen table. She’d draw the framing lines for one of her cards. She’d pick up her brush and then… she’d find herself in front of the wall staring into the eyes of a new animal, or bird, or following an autumn leaf as it fell to the forest floor.
Today would be different. Today was the day everything changed. The finger-food was ready. Eddie was out getting drinks. Music had been added to the playlist.
She was ready – but there was a wet patch. Another one. Staining the front of her party frock. It was happening every day. But how could she have spilt something when she hadn’t even had a drink. Maybe it was when she washed the paint off her hands. But she hadn’t painted. Had she?
Sarah slowly crossed the kitchen. She thought she heard a noise. The rustling of leaves. Bird song. Animal footsteps. And… and… another sound. A quiet sound that pulled her in.
She pushed gently on the baby room door and let it swing open.
The forest froze. The sounds stopped.
Sarah took a step forward.
And another.
Her hand stretched out and seemed to sink into the wall. Her arms wrapped around the new painting and pulled it towards her breast.
‘Sarah. I’m back and I’ve got the first guests with me. Sarah. You there.’
Eddie turned to the guests.
‘Sorry. She’s probably changing, or doing her hair or something.’
Smiles broke out on the neighbours’ faces. Eddie turned and there was Sarah.
Framed in the doorway of the baby room. Her orange dress vibrant against the forest colours. Her flushed face breaking into a contented smile as she gazed down at a baby suckling at her breast.
‘This is our daughter. This is None.’